You’re More Than ‘Mom’: How to Reconnect With the Woman You Were Before Motherhood
Hey Mamma,
Yes I know, you do have a name, you are more than mom. But since giving birth, MOM seems to define you right? You do everything for the sake of your child. Not that you are complaining but sometimes you would like to take time and enjoy the things you did prior to having kids. Like enjoying a special snack or reading a book or watching your favorite show in peace.
Well Mamma she’s still in there you know.
The woman who sang loudly in the car, devoured novels in a day, or dreamed of owning her own business—she didn’t disappear when you became a mom. She’s just been quietly waiting while you pour your love and energy into others.
The Hidden Garden of You
Think of your identity like a once-beautiful garden. Over time, the vines of responsibility—naptimes, school runs, snack negotiations—creep in and cover everything. It may feel like the old “you” is gone, but beneath the surface, the roots are still alive. With a little clearing, nurturing, and sunlight, your sense of self can flourish again.
In this post, we’ll explore why the identity shift happens, how to notice when you’ve lost yourself in the “mom role,” and—most importantly—how to rediscover the woman you were before you became someone’s everything.
1. Why We Lose Ourselves in Motherhood (and Why You’re Not Alone)
Here’s the honest truth: you’re not imagining it. The moment you become a mom, your identity takes a hit—not because you’re weak, but because the world subtly (and not so subtly) teaches women to prioritize motherhood above all else.
Psychologists call this “matrescence,” the process of becoming a mother. It’s like adolescence, but for your identity. You’re changing physically, emotionally, mentally—and sometimes you barely recognize yourself.
👉 Stat check: According to a 2022 study in Psychology Today, over 60% of mothers report feeling a loss of identity in the first 5 years of parenting.
💬 “There’s this pressure to be everything for everyone—but no one teaches moms how to be something for themselves.” — Dr. Shefali Tsabary, Clinical Psychologist and Parenting Expert
2. The Signs You Might Be Disconnected From Yourself
It doesn’t always show up as sadness. Sometimes, it’s just…numbness. Irritability. That feeling of being busy all day but somehow “empty.”
Look out for these signs:
You struggle to answer: “What do you do for fun?”
You often say, “I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
You feel guilt when taking time just for you.
You crave quiet, alone time—but don’t know what you’d do with it.
🎯 Tip: Start a 7-day check-in journal. Each night, ask: “What made me feel most like myself today?” You’ll start spotting patterns.
3. Trigger the Memory of ‘You’
Sometimes the fastest way to reconnect is to trigger a sense memory—those little experiences that once made you feel alive.
Try these:
Revisit an old playlist you loved pre-kids
Wear a fragrance or lipstick you used to rock
Eat at a spot that brings back a special memory
Dig up an old journal or photo album
It’s not about living in the past. It’s about reminding yourself that the woman who once laughed, danced, dreamed? She’s still part of you.
💬 “Our former selves are not lost—they’re layered beneath who we’ve become.” — Brené Brown
4. Create Micro-Moments That Are Just Yours
You don’t need a solo vacation to reconnect with yourself (though hey, that’d be great). Small, intentional “me moments” add up.
Try this formula:
➡️ 10 minutes daily + 1 hour weekly + 1 day monthly
10 minutes: Sip tea in silence, stretch, or journal
1 hour: Solo walk, hobby, or coffee run
1 day: A kid-free outing, workshop, or quiet day at home
🎯 Tip: Name your solo time. “My Reboot Hour” or “Me-Morning Mondays.” It gives it purpose and signals its importance to everyone—including you.
5. Reclaim Old Passions (and Try Some New Ones)
What did you love before your days were filled with lullabies and LEGO? Start there. You may find you still love painting—or maybe now you prefer pottery, hiking, or screenwriting.
It’s not just about going back. It’s about evolving.
According to a Stanford study, adults who regularly engage in hobbies report greater life satisfaction and lower levels of depression, especially during major life transitions like parenting.
💬 “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive—and go do it.” — Howard Thurman
🎯 Tip: Make a “ME Board”—like a vision board, but just for your non-mom self. Include images, words, colors, and goals that reflect who you are and what lights you up.
Conclusion: She’s Not Gone—She’s Just Been Quiet
Motherhood expands you. But it shouldn’t erase you.
You’re not selfish for wanting to feel whole again. In fact, you’re setting a powerful example—showing your kids that women are allowed to grow, evolve, and take up space beyond their roles.
So dust off your dreams, sing your old songs, and schedule that solo coffee date. You’re not starting over—you’re coming home to yourself.
💬 “The most powerful thing a mom can do is remember who she is—and live from that place.” — Oprah Winfrey